Saturday, December 21, 2013

The World According to Kay

     Yes, I'm still in Las Vegas.  You would think for a guy on a road trip I would actually be on the road.  I could however, use the existentialist view point and just name this thing I'm doing in Vegas a road trip and solve the traveling aspect for now.  At a minimum I would not have to revisit this conundrum as often.  I am in fact practiced in self delusion.  The mere fact that I write a blog that I am convinced people read is ample evidence of this fact.  

    Along with my highly developed skill of self delusion I also retain my inability to see very far past my own needs.  This is where Kay comes into this story.  Kay is a full time RVer that I met in Las Vegas.  She had come to Vegas with her cousins or brother or something to escape the winters in Wisconsin.   She was staying in the same RV park that I stayed in.  Kay was the unofficial social director of the RV park.  She would organize pot luck dinners and other group get togethers.  
     
     Kay gets by on a meager disability stipend.  She lives most of the time in a travel trailer and sometimes stays with friends when it get too cold to be in a trailer.  Kay is one of those people who have an inability to see her own needs.  I'm sure you have heard the phrase that "She will give you the shirt off her own back"    If you go to Wikipedia and look up that phrase you will see a picture of Kay.  She is generous to a fault.   I can not tell you how many times I have seen her give her last dollar to some undeserving idiot that told her a sad story.   I would get mad about this and have been known to scold her from time to time.   
    
     Its that time of year when we are forced by the season to amp up our empathy quotient.   During this time of year people are more giving and forgiving.  Let's feed the homeless or do a toy drive for under privileged children.  Kay's empathy is ever present.   

     I have been thinking about why I get mad and scold Kay for her generosity.  Some able bodied lazy low life who blew all of last       weeks unemployment check at a casino does not deserve her help.  He made his own bed, he should sleep in it.      

     Maybe my mistake is focusing on the question of deserving vs undeserving.  This certainly requires some amount of judgement and a little anger.  It mostly makes me angry that someone I judge as undeserving is taking Kay's last dollar.  On the other hand it makes Kay happy to be able to help people.  

      So here's my dilemma.  Kay is caring, kind, generous and always see the best  in people and I am telling her not to be that way.  In my heart of hearts I know the world would be a far better place if everyone was more like Kay.  I would be a better person if I were more like Kay.  Yet I tell her not to fall for these sad stories and tales of woe.  

     In my past I have needed help when I was certainly undeserving.  If I had gotten the help I needed then,  things today would certainly be far better.  I don't have any answers to my own questions about this.  Kay will continue to give her money away.  I most likely will continue to scold her all the while wishing I could be more like her.

     Kay, may God bless and keep you always, may all your wishes come true, and someday somehow, may I be more like you.